Sexting Tiger is a Deviant Sadist

Hova and I once joked about a fictitious tennis doubles team called the 'Deviant Sadists'. More than anything it just seemed like a really funny concept. Like what would a team that called themselves the Deviant Sadists look like? Would they wear ski masks with only one eye hole or weirdo straight jacket clothing with superfluous zippers and buckles? In my head I always thought it would be funny if they were two slovenly unkempt assholes that just acted like total dicks on the court. Sadly this joke became less funny after reading Tiger's sexts to his pornstar girlfriend with the brutal fake tits. The filth! The content wasn't shocking but more surprising. I was surprised by how big of a dork Tiger Woods is. He turned what could have been a pretty run of the mill infidelity story into a bizarre rapey Jason Bourne fantasy complete with dangerous room service carts, sliding envelopes under doors, detailed walking instructions, guys from Dubai, and turkey club sandwiches. I don't know, something about the whole story makes me want to give that juiced up golf nerd a wedgie. I guess the moral of the story is that the Deviant Sadist team wouldn't look very funny at all, it would just be two multi-ethnic guys with bleached white teeth, sensible haircuts, and dull dead eyes.  Here are some of my favorites.

Tiger:Sent: 04:06 PM 08/28/2009:
I want to be deep inside you

Tiger:Sent: 03:32 PM 08/29/2009:
I have no idea. I would love to have the ability to make you sore
Tiger:Sent: 03:35 PM 08/29/2009:
In a week. I will try to wear you out
Tiger:Sent: 03:36 PM 08/29/2009:
After i cum you better start sucking my cock to get it hard

Tiger:Sent: 04"02 PM 08/29/2009:
I want to treat you rough. Throw you around, spank and slap you
Tiger:Sent: 04:06 PM 08/29/2009:
Slap your face. Treat you like a dirty little whore. Put my cock in your ass and then shove it down your throat
Tiger:Sent: 04:07 PM 08/29/2009:
You are my fucking whore
Tiger:Sent: 04:08 PM 08/29/2009:
Hold you down while i choke you and Fuck that ass that i own
Tiger:Sent: 04:10 PM 08/29/2009:
Then im going to tell you to shut the Fuck up while i slap your face and pull your hair for making noise
Tiger:Sent: 04:21 PM 08/29/2009:
Where do you want to be bitten

Tiger:Sent: 05:26 PM 08/29/2009:
Next time i see you, you better beg and if you don't do it right i will slap, spank, bite and fuck you till mercy

Tiger:Sent: 07:12 PM 09/07/2009:
No turkey unless it's a club sandwich

Tiger:Sent: 08:35 PM 09/07/2009:
There is a room service cart in my hall. Be careful

Tiger:Sent: 01:28 PM 09/08/2009:
Have you ever had a golden shower done to you
Tiger:Sent: 01:29 PM 09/08/2009:
Just morbid curiosity

Tiger:Sent: 10:40 AM 10/04/2009:
Guys from dubai. Investors. So my agent being suggested that we go back to my room at the mansion for lunch. He doesnt know about us, obviously

Tiger:Sent: 12:08 PM 10/04/2009:
Don't Fucking talk to me. You almost just ruined my whole life. If my agent and these guys would have seen you there, Fuck

and my favorite comment ever written...

Tiger:Sent: 12:06 PM 10/04/2009:
You mean the panties your mother laid out for you?

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